CLOUD9

180° - Chapter 01 & 02

2008-02-20T06:46:34Z

Young and innocent Kim Chae-ra was forced into a marriage with a guy she didn't even know after 5 years waiting for her fiance, Park Jae-hyuk who disappeared after he went to Seoul to continue his study in the city. Determined to marry the man she loves, Chae-ra left home without the approval of her parents and went to the city alone to look for Jae-hyuk, only to find him by the side of another woman. Chae-ra thought she was devastated enough before she woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar surrounding, by the side of a man she had never met before, both naked.

|01|

“No!” Chae-ra stood up. “I don’t want to marry him!” The usually soft and timid Chae-ra suddenly became outspoken and rebellious. Her eyes were fixed on the floor however, still not brave enough to look into her father’s fierce ones.

“Chae-ra yah, listen to your father,” her mother softly tried to persuade her. Chae-ra gritted her teeth. Her eyes teary, but were burning with determination.

“What did you say? Where, when did you learn talking back? This kid!” Her father exploded. It felt as if the whole house was shaking. Her father closed his eyes and rubbing his chest, trying to strain himself from hitting his eldest child, the one he wished the family could lean on.

“But- But you know that I love Jae-hyuk!” Her expression softened. She looked straight in her father’s eyes and begged him like the usual Chae-ra would.

“That Jae-hyuk!” Once again, the voice of the head family boomed. “What kind of person who left his family for five years and didn’t come back even once?! Is that the person who you love?”

“Appa, you know he is not that kind of person. We don’t know what happened to him. He might be struggling alone in his troubles out there,”

“Let him be! That jashik, can’t he even send us news or whatever for this whole five years?! No, I’m not letting you to be with him! You’re going to marry the man I chose! You are going to marry him TOMORROW!”

“I don’t want to!” Chae-ra cried in a high, desperate tone.

“You will!”

“No, I’m going to look for Jae-hyuk and prove it to you!” Chae-ra stomped off to her room.

“Fine, then go! I don’t want a daughter who goes against her father when all her father did was for her best!”

“Honey, what are you saying?” Chae-ra’s mother stood up, trying to calm her bad-tempered husband down.

“Let her be! She will only realize that she is wrong if she go!”

“Honey!”

In her room, Chae-ra took the baggage she last used 5 years ago in her school camp from above her wooden closet. She took a handful of clothes and all her personal documents including her account book and shoved everything she thought she would need into the baggage. After she finished her packing, she dragged the small baggage outside, determined to look for the man she love.

“Honey, look! Look at your daughter there! She is really going!” Her mother cried in panic as she saw her own daughter leaving the house she never left before.

“Yah! Yah, you jashik! Stop right there!” The old man tried to stop his daughter who had never went against him before. But Chae-ra was already outside, her pace quick. She hopped on her bicycle and tried to cycle as fast as she could. It wasn’t far from her house to the main road. As she took the bus from the main road, she felt a heavy burden nesting at the bottom of her heart. She could still hear her mother’s cry. She could also see her father fell to the ground, clutching at the shirt on his chest as she left them.

|02|

“Yoboseyo?”

“Can I speak with Park Jae-hyuk, please?”

“Sorry, wrong number,”

The phone was put down. Chae-ra looked again at the small piece of paper she had kept for almost five years. Even though the paper was worn out, she was sure that she dialed the right number. She tried once again.

“Yoboseyo?”

“Yoboseyo? Is Mr. Park Jae-hyuk here?”

“I told you you got the wrong number!”

“Wait!”

“What is it?!”

“Do you know where the previous holder of this number is?”

“No!”

The phone call was ended by the receiver again. It was getting dark and Chae-ra had nowhere to go. She started feeling lost. She had been to Seoul not more than twice. Once was with her family when she was little and once again was 8 years ago, when she represented her school for the national science quiz. She was 15 at the time. She could feel the anxiety tugging at her conscience. She was rash. She had never been rash. But this was about Jae-hyuk and there was no reason not to act rashly. If she didn’t came here, her father would have married her off to some guy he thought best for her.

But then, she was alone. In a big city. Why was her father so cruel to her?

11.35 p.m.

“Yah, yah, yah!”

“Sh*t, Tae-kwan! There he goes again!” The young mechanic whispered to his colleague. Both boys seemed to be in their late teens, or probably just reached their twenties.

“Why are you blaming me?” The other one whispered back.

“Yah, you two! Come here!” One man who looked much older than the two young mechanics called upon them. He also moved his palm back and forth to call them closer; a sign of his impatience and temper.

“Yae, Gun-bae hyung,” Both of them facing him, but their head were hung low.

“This.” Gun-bae pointed to one of the superbikes in his workshop. “I thought I said I don’t want to see any of you taking any break until you finished that goddamn bike!”

“But we didn’t, hyung,”

“Then why is it my instant noodles keep f**cking decreasing?!” Gun-bae slapped one of the juniors’ head. They had always known Gun-bae as someone who is bad-tempered. But then, working on a bike non-stop for 24 hours was just plain cruel.

“This wouldn’t happen if you two a**holes didn’t skip work or kept playing at the f**cking arcades!” He slapped the other head. He himself also didn’t have to stay here until midnight if those two actually do their work.

“We’re sorry, hyung,”

“Now continue your work, go!”

The both young mechanics turned around and started whispering.

“I told you to replace the instant noodles we took because he will knew it!”

“Shut up! He wouldn’t have known it if you didn’t take three packages at once!”

“YAH! GET BACK TO WORK YOU DAMN JASHIK!”

At that, the two boys scampered towards the bikes they were assigned to. Gun-bae kept cursing under his breath while getting back on his work. A cigarette never failed dangling between his thin lips. He adjusted the small stool under his bottom before reaching for his toolbox which was a feet away from him. But then, his eyes suddenly got caught on a girl who was passing by his workshop. She was thin and quite tall. Her side locks were tied at the back of her head and her face somber. She was pretty, but not the kind whom he likes. The girl next door one kind.

The girl had a baggage being pulled around. Without he himself noticing, he actually kept staring at the girl that she started feeling uncomfortable. Gun-bae finally realized that she was ‘squirming’ under his stare. He quickly turned his attention at the bike in front of him and started his work. From the tail of his eyes, he could see that the girl now was standing still, not moving. A while later, she dragged her baggage and moved towards him.

“Annyeong hasaeyo,”

Gun-bae looked up at the owner of the gentle, timid voice. He was right. It was the passing-by girl.

“Yes, can I help you?” He didn’t stand up but quickly broke the eye contact and continue his work instead; hoping she will go away quickly for being ignored. He was not the kind to do ‘charity’ especially when his two workers kept slacking and left him with tons of work which supposed to be finished soon.

“Um… do… do you possibly know how to get to this place? I can’t seem to get any taxi,” she pulled out a piece of worn out paper. When Gun-bae wasn’t paying attention to her, she tried to put the paper in front of his face. Gun-bae, feeling annoyed, quickly grabbed the paper rather roughly, making the paper more unreadable. Worries could easily being read from the gentle face of the girl.

Gun-bae still could make out of what was written on the paper even though it was blurry. The address there no longer existed about 2 years ago. But he did felt familiar with the name Park Jae-hyuk in it, though. Gun-bae grunted while rolling his eyes.

“Missy, it’s late now. Go home. Your parents must be worried to death,” Gun-bae said, easily shoving away the helpless girl.

“Please show me the way, please? I’ll walk there, I promise I won’t be bothering you but please show me the way, please?” She begged. Her voice was cracking, a sign of the most hated thing to occur, at least to Gun-bae.

“Missy, you know that it’s dangerous for a girl to be alone at night out there. Go home,”

There was a long pause of silence. Gun-bae looked up, looking straight at her face.

“…But I have no where to go,” the girl looked down, trying to hide her teary eyes.

Park Jae-hyuk. He was one of his regulars. This girl must be one of his victim. That jerk. Gun-bae sighed while rubbing the back of his neck. Whatever. Who cares? They had nothing to do with him anyway.

Gun-bae sighed. Then, he threw his half-consumed cigarette on the floor and step on it, twisting his foot a few times to make sure the fire was out. He took big steps towards his bike outside then hopped on it.

“Hop on!” He said while turning the bike on.

The girl looked confused.

“I said hop on! I’ll bring you there!” He didn’t want to hear things like a girl being robbed or worse nearby his place, especially when he had the chance of preventing it.

She looked surprised at first then quickly ran to him. Her weak face expression brightened.

“I-I don’t know how to thank you,”

Hmph. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Kim Chae-ra,”

“Don’t tell that jerk that I was the one who took you there,”

--------------------

I originally posted this fic on soompi.com, but those who dont bother to register there can read it here, and this fic is completed!! so i'll update with the next chapter soon^^

Comments are MUCH MUCH appreciated^^

DEVIANTART CREDIT PAGE

2007-06-21T12:13:54Z

My dear LJ...

2007-06-10T19:02:07Z

Oh dear... i'm always deserting my accounts like this. my deviantart account, friendster account, myspace account... and i dun have much friends either *scratch head* but i want to keep my lj account no matter what^^ so i'll be coming here from time to time. sigh, the word social, to me, almost undistinguishable with the word impossible. i know i'm improving but its just too slow. slower than a snail's pace, be it offline or online.

i'm on holiday for almost three weeks now and starting this july, i'll be moving from my foundation center to a university... im getting farther from home, waaaa~ and i still cant drive. i wonder how busy i could get at university?

Unhealthy =_=

2006-11-23T22:54:14Z

staying up all nite makes me hungry...

the internet connection is being crazy again, grrrr~
but it seems fine tonite(i mean, last nite but now its early morning) so i wander around soompi.com, reading fics, dling some clips, replying my msgs.... and i got hungry >_<

mom said my sleeping and eating habit r not good for health =_= i know, but my semester break is really short and its almost over, i hv to use the remaining freedom to enjoy to the max!! ok, not really but i dun want 2 regret when i got back to college. boo~ my laptop is not finished fixing, i miss PSing sooooo much ;_;

anneistee @ 2006-10-08T22:15:00

2006-10-08T14:10:56Z

been a while~
a picture i took with my webcam. this is my room at the college, well, when we havent started on our projects though. when we do, its really messy it doesnt look like a room. there r 4 ppl ere in total.

aaargh! i miss home so much but there will be another 20-sumthin days until my 1 week holiday. even tho its not very far from home here but it will b a hassle to drag all the tools along just to stay for about a day at home each week. i'm really bored, since we only have never ending projects here and no ent. i was really surprised to hear that dat other courses hav up 2 14 classes/subjects while i only hav 5. but then, we do projects a lot.

last nite i had a dream that i messed up myself in my classes. scary >.< so far i'm doing a bit better than good but........ i wanna play with my lil sis sooo much...................

its a bit (i mean a lot) boring being timid, i wanna hv more friends. why do i feel like this by the time internet connection is limited to me now? i'm so annoying, haha

i reeeeeeeeaally luv shinhwa, hehe, especially dgwan oppa. they're great guys.

HEAVE-HO!!

POSITIVE! POSITIVE!

2006-06-30T18:19:46Z

This monday i'll be going to university which means away from home, tv, my shinhwa stuffs that i just recently collect ;_; and internet connection won't be as easy anymore. My, my, how spoiled i am. I'm trying to keep my moods up so i'll have an easier time to adapt to a new life (especially when i'm not the type who make friends with strangers easily >_<).

I'm a person who is lighthearted and can be happy just because of the slightest things so i hope i dun get depressed so much. I hope i can update my journal more often too. Everybody, FIGHTING!

Ko Soo My Teddybear <3

2006-03-23T16:58:14Z

Yay! Budak Kecik is getting better! I'm so happy! Luv u my baby!

Damn i'm so addicted to this guy recently. The first time i saw him was in 'Piano' which was 4 years ago. He is cute alright but I got sooo into Piano because of his acting. Piano was sad and i hate sad story but he made me went through the whole series. His acting in Piano was brilliant. When he cried, I became worried and felt his pain. And Piano itself is brilliant. The story is touching, deep, emotional and overall, the drama was beautiful and graceful, a bit tragic of course. Not a very typical k-drama, the story revolves around a family of a father, his son, and his step children. I luv this drama.

I think both Ko Soo and Piano are underrated. It is such a waste for a talent like him not being properly appreciated in South Korea [EDIT-->]Wait,not being properly appreciated by the whole world, or, people, sorry s.korea >_< :p But, the fact that he is underrated makes me love him more than ever!!!And somehow, I think most of Ko Soo's works are underrated. His only film Some, was a great film but it was unknown to most asian movie lovers.

"...it's a mystery to me why this film performed so horribly at the box-office. I accept that TV star Goh Soo and newcomer Song Ji-hyo (Wishing Stairs) don't have the star presence of Shim Eun-ha, Han Suk-kyu, or Jeon Do-yeon, who graced Chang's previous movies. Perhaps poor marketing was to blame, because Some didn't face much competition at the box office, yet few viewers bothered to check it out. The crowd I watched it with seemed quite engaged, and word of mouth was generally positive. In the end, Some remains a fascinating, nuanced feature which lost buckets of money, and which is well worth remembering."
a review on Some from koreanfilm.org and i've read even more reviews that praise the film.

anyway, rite now, ko soo got to fulfill his military duty for 2 years, right now when his name is getting bigger in the s.korean showbiz. ;_; i mish u arready........

Budak Kecik is sick... :_(

2006-03-14T09:50:42Z

Budak Kecik(Kid), my kitty suddenly fell sick this morning. Yesterday, she was very energetic like always, though she slept more than usual recently. I dont know what happened, but she became very weak. She cant move much and her voice sounds weak and groggy. I'm so sad, seeing her in pain like that, it seems as if she cant survive. there r no animal clinic nearby, so i just gave her some medicine that i take whenever i have fever but her condition doesnt progress at all. i cant help crying hearing her weak voices and looking at her lying still the whole day. i love her, and she has been cheering me up this whole time. though sometimes i got mad at her 4 being very naughty, i cant imagine losing her at the mean time. i'm not ready 2 lose her though i'm used to my cats dying. i havent cried over cats like this since middle school but this time.... oh, it just hurt me so much watching her like that.... she is really cute, naughty, active.... i love her.... :_(

SPM result!! GASP!

2006-03-13T18:25:32Z

today, spm result came out and....... i did VERY WELL! i'm gonna put the whole subject grades here, heheh...

A1
Bahasa Malaysia
English
History
Pendidikan Islam
Modern Math

A2
EST

B4
Biology

C5 >_<
Physique
Chemistry

C6
Additional Math

well, i'm not totally happy with this result but i gotta be grateful rite? looking back at my trial exam result, i really should be grateful with this result, i'm really lucky.

but then, i met *** today. *** has changed, a lot. and *** hurt me again though not purposely but that's what ***'s changes are. *** hurt me w/o realizing now. how could ***? i dun wanna tell *** what i feel anymore cuz things wont change and i'll be hurt more. sigh... i really, really dun have the strength anymore to keep our relationship goes on. i can only watch it break, little by little, only waiting for it to fall and crash. but *** never realize that, our weakening relationship.... its not that i never tried to save our relationship, its that i've tried too much.....

Me or guilt?

2006-03-11T13:54:27Z

just wondering while my emotions roller coaster stop. *sigh* is it ok to hate someone who is close 2 me and whom i love? sometimes i feel guilty cuz we've been together for a long time but *** keeps hurting me though i already frankly told *** wut was wrong. phew.... sometimes, i feel like no one understands me... i feel like giving up on *** but it doesnt seem like *** is giving up on me. but then, why does *** keeps hurting me? this is so unfair... i hate ***...

Fine, fine ^_^

2006-03-08T12:02:11Z

just saying i'm fine now! weeee~~~ i've planned evrything and evrything will be prepared b4 this sunday, yay!
cant wait b4 my spm result come out. my friend said that i'm confident. I am not! i just hate waiting, i want to go to university soon! may god bless me and make evrything fine for me.....

hmmmm, i think i need a new icon that looks very funny and happy....

Loser.......

2006-03-07T17:44:14Z

here i am... back being a loser again... recently i'm easily being bored, hurt, felt moody and lonely... ah, this emotions roller coaster, i dont know how long this will last this time. heck, i dont even know when or why it started. it couldnt be my pms, wait, it could be but... really, this is tiring. my head hurts like hell but i cant sleep, i'm moody for no reason, i'm miserable and i hate myself most of the time.

i'm lonely, and my loneliness cant be healed just by talking with my friends on phone. that will just make me suffer more cuz i cant see them. well, they're busy and when they're free, all of us r 2 tired 2 meet each other. evryday i'll have to wait 4 my siblings until they get home from school but when they're home, they have 2 do their homeworks and too tired to play with me. when saturday and sunday came, both days go away quickly and i'm left alone again. i'm soo lonely......

next week my spm result will come out. i thought, the sooner the better cuz the sooner all these end, the sooner my suffering will end too. but then, i'll have to prepare for the materials needed to apply 4 university. i have to make sure i have enough copies of all the documents needed, go to the bank to pay 4 the application form's wutever-it-is, make new passport size pictures, oh yea, filling out the application form, asking 4 whoever's signature needed.... i'm really not in the mood for this so i thought it's better if the result come out later but the latest it could be would be next tuesday. so i'll have to make sure evrythings ready b4 this upcoming sunday. and i'm not in the mood to go to the town either. i really, really really really wanna rest at home until my emotions r stable again. i cant believe i can be very sensitive like this. i suck.

and also, my 'teddybear' ko soo is going 2 military service 4 2 years and a half.... i dunno, this make me feel lonely too.

at moments like this i feel like a total loser. i dont have the mood to do anything. some ppl said i'm lucky to have a nice home, nice brain or wutever but actually, i'm the loser. man... its magic how i can be depressed like this and then i'm a happy, cheerful and even bold girl the next month.

to those ppl who read all these, thank u 4 spending ur time. if u found that i'm annoying, i'm sorry but i just need a place to bitch... or someone who could hear me, it doesnt matter whether i knew someone's reading or not... :(

I'm going crazy~

2006-01-23T02:29:59Z

Since last Monday until last Saturday, I was at the hospital, keeping an eye for my grandmother 24 hours - and alone. It really was tiring and probably I'll have to stay at the hospital again this evening. Man~~ I dont really want to but there's no one available to be able to take care of her. Besides, she's my father's mother after all. Yeah... :( I'm doing it not bcuz she's my grandma but bcuz she's the mother of my father. She has her own fav grandchildren anyway.

During the week I was with her, I went to the point of breaking down cuz it was really hard and no one's there to help or support me. Whenever my mom called, I had to tried really hard not to cry. It's relly rare for me to want to cry very badly, y'know? When I told that to my friend, she said "wow, you? cry? I really wanna see that!"

I felt like slapping her -
cuz at that time i was asking for her support but later she apologize. *sigh* I cant tell those to my mother cuz she was worried sick about me. She said she 4got to put the cap of a bottle full of water and put the bottle in my lil sis' schoolbag. She also served some guests noodles w/o fork. That idiot.....

I dont wanna go there or do anything there anymore~~~~ ;_;

I can't choose!

2006-01-16T05:14:58Z

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

</td>

Linguistics

92%

Theater

92%

Art

92%

Journalism

92%

Philosophy

83%

English

83%

Mathematics

75%

Anthropology

75%

Sociology

75%

Psychology

75%

Dance

67%

Engineering

67%

Chemistry

50%

Biology

42%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

I dont know which one I like better, is it drawing? or is it writing? GAAAH! a comic artist have to be good in both, rite? And I have to start choosing since I will be starting college soon. I want to major in art but I dont think that I'm good enough to take art. *sniff* I'm so confused, and I lack self motivation as well as confidence to be confident enough to choose any one of it. Writing? Drawing? I luv drawing so much but i'm not good at it! ;_;

Blogcrew

2006-01-15T03:34:01Z

Now, I am Abarai Renji of bleach blog crew and Unohana Retsu of bleach blog crew

and another new icon, winry, when she's crying ;_;

Waaa~~i! New avatar!

2006-01-14T08:07:13Z

Lookie! Lookie! I made a new avatar! This time, it is Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist!*applause* And an animated one! I'm so happy! Yay~~~

Oyeah, all the resources and credit can be referred in my profile!

New layout~

2006-01-13T04:09:47Z

I just changed the layout to novel conundrum something. Its pretty cool. I'm gonna look for pictures to be put on the background. Yeah.

New avatar! YAY!

2006-01-12T13:04:33Z

Yay~ I just made a new cute avatar! Heheheee...
It's funny to think that green is my least favourite colour but my new journal layout and both background colour of my avatar are green! XD

<td align="center">Your hidden talent is writing

Your hidden talent is writing. You have a unique way of viewing the world and are able to express your thoughts eloquently on the page. Some people might think that you are weird, but you are just the next Pulitzer prize winner.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

<td align="center">You will be famous for writing a national bestseller

You are very observant and tend to be the wallflower at parties. You are intuitive and know just how to communicate everything that you are feeling to those around you.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

... 0_0 This is amazing....

GREAT QUIZ!

2006-01-12T05:28:18Z

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who lives in the moment and is passionate about whatever and whoever you love.

When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things.

You are adventurous, always up to do the most extreme things. You have a certain recklessness that makes people very attracted to you.

In the future you will have a good family life and lots of friends.

Take this Test at QuizGalaxy.com

dEAD oN!!

Menghabehkan boreh ajo ....

2006-01-12T04:13:02Z

I went to town this morning to look for a job at about 10 places.

And I got none.

Actually, there were 2 places that need workers but fulltime workers only. So i thought, yeah, maybe its ok to go home alone at nite so i asked the bus station when will the last bus be? 9.20. Shucks. All the works available are at least until 10 pm so... i'm jobless. i guess i'll just stay at home, helping my mother. besides, i kinda feel sorry for her if i work cuz she will be alone. my dad, brothers and sisters are all not at home.

I'm kinda disappointed.

i need to change my journal's layout. the pink is hurting my eyes and my brain BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO DO SOOO!!

Still lazy~

2006-01-11T08:02:31Z

Yay~~~~~~~~~~finally finished my avatar. I used a scan of unohana retsu from bleach and coloured it by myself! *pat pat own head* It took about a day, or a little bit more and I didnt know that colouring is so much fun!(and tiring too...)

Anyway, i'll be going to look for a job tomorrow with my friend. Wish me luck!!

Lazy me, lazy holiday, lazy days...

2006-01-08T18:48:50Z

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.

You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.

You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.

This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You a Girl or Woman? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I like the result, and the quiz was fun too; a bit. Well, i'm not REALLY a woman but my friends do think that I'm more mature than them. Actually, i'm just plain lazy. I'm too lazy to chat online and have a cute guy-e-mail-friend. Too lazy to go out to have fun or shopping (though i'd love to when i'm in the mood; and that's rare). Also, i hate argument, drama, conflict and misunderstanding. Too 'leceh', I like keeping things simple and straight. Or maybe it's just that i'm not in a very good mood now, so i took the quiz. I love quizzes anyway.

Actually, i'm damn bored rite now cuz i'm waiting for my spm result which will come out sometime around march-april. until then, i want to take driving lessons AND license but needs lotsa money = father's agreement. He's tight with money. *sigh* I've been lazying(watever the word is) like this for about a month already(yes, i'm spoilt so stop poking me...). And my friend is... I can't contact her. I've tried many times but failed. I don't know what the hell she is doing but i'm pissed. She should have contact me! So, I gave up TRYING to call her and ended up being bored... and lonely. Besides, whenever I called her, she would only be talking about her annoying sms buddy. She knew I dont like him but, thats the way our friendship is...

I was thinking about getting a job but I can only do part-time cuz I don't feel secure/safe going home alone in the dark. It's scary for a girl like me, y'know?? The fee needed from home to town, back and forth for a month, might cost me about 1/4 - 1/2 of any part-time's miniscule payment. I can imagine that i have to cycle for a mile to go to the main road, wait for AT LEAST 30 min for the not-so-punctual bus, EVERYDAY just to go to work. And spend lots of the hard-earned money for that. Just thinking of that made me lazy enough to go out, even to have fun. DAMN, I'M SUCH A SPOILT BRAT!! Get yer ass off from that chair and find a job!

Look out, world! I'm ready for adventure!!!
(Hopefully my mood will be better as days go by... usually it's like that)